Yesterday, we celebrated the life of my stepfather, Kelly Carver, shown above with his current wife of 8 years, Maria. He was a christian man, so there is no doubt in our minds where he is. I am sure that he was welcomed into heaven by my mother, Betty. I am sure that he once again aggravated her by pulling his pants up high, turning his cap backwards and saying "Give me a Kiss", which is something that we witnessed numerous times. He is no longer in pain and will never again have to struggle with his memory.
In the years that my mother was married to him, one of the things that we all admired about him was that he could remember things from way back, names were never a problem and he always had a story to tell. He was an old "Georgia Boy" and loved to farm and raise animals. Both he and my mother had been married a few times before finding each other. And although I never had problems with stepfathers, my little brother Glen had many. That all changed when Kelly came along. Sure, there were many times that Glen said he couldn't stand him as he did the various chores that Kelly made him do. But, Kelly never treated us as stepchildren. Instead he always told us that he couldn't love us any more if we were his "real" kids. Glen & I both say that we always think of Kelly when we hear the song, Half the Dad that he didn't have to be, by Brad Paisley. My children also loved him and he was their "true" Grandpa. My mother and Kelly moved from Georgia and bought a place two houses from us, so our boys were very close to them growing up.
It was very touching to listen to my stepbrother, Terry, speak at the service. He said that he wished he could stand up and tell everyone a lot of happy stories about growing up. But, there wasn't many. Back then, his father was a hard man to deal with and was not very happy with life. Terry said that he believed that his father's life truly began when he married my mother. My mother brought the family together and changed his dad for the better. After my mother died, Terry remained close to his father and talked to him on a daily basis. Even after Kelly remarried and moved to Ecuador, his wife Maria said that he waited each night for the call from his son. So, for Terry that is what he will miss the most. The daily talks with his dad.
As my mother was a peacemaker, so was Kelly. Before he came along, my real father, Chet, hardly came around. But, Kelly wanted him in our lives and there were a many Sunday dinners that my father was also included at the table. They were both long distance truck drivers and had many roadtrips to talk about. Kelly was also an honest man, he raised his children by telling them to never lie. He said that if a man would lie to you, he would steal from you to. As people, one by one, got up to share stories about him it made me think about life in general. My mother always used to tell us not to wait for someone to die to send flowers or tell them how you felt. Instead, make sure that they knew how you felt and cherish them while they are here with you. But, as each person got up to share their story, it was clear that Kelly touched each and every one of them during his time on earth. Some even shared songs that he had sung, as he loved to sing. In fact, as we unplugged the life support and stood around his bed, we all sung songs to him. Some church hymns, but, also his favorite song, You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille, by Kenny Rogers.
Saying goodbye is always hard for those left behind. And sometimes, in death, I think that it is the hardest thing for the person dying to deal with, those that they are leaving behind. Kelly died doing what he did best. He was fighting for life. He did not want to leave us and most importantly his wife, Maria. They married very late in life and she had never been married before. He was the love of her life and she came along when he needed her the most. Maria is such a strong woman and as his health was going downhill, she was there to nurture him, clean him and love him. He was a very appreciative man and expressed his feelings well. He told her daily how much she meant to him. As he lay dying we all promised that Maria would be taken care of. Although she may not have ever given birth to children, she has many stepchildren that love her and will be there to support her.
Goodbye for now, Kelly. And as the song goes, There's a better home awaiting, in the sky Lord, in the sky..........
